Responding to the Calls of our Time

Feb 5 - #01 - Leadership

Vision Mobilization

Strategic discomfort

Support Structure

Hear from 2-3 people who haven't been here before: What brought you here? What lives in you as a deeper purpose?

It scares me. But I'm not just here because it's a challenge.
I read Reweaving Human Fabric and I'm inspired.
I have been avoiding leadership position for a long time because I'm afraid I'm recreating past patterns.
I clashed with others' flow, I trampled on them, then I remove myself.

Mobilization is active moment-by-moment living

When we're in flow, decisions happen.

Units of clarity

I just want to say thank you for that exchange, I learned a lot. The biggest impact for me was "when we're willing to tell our truth", we're better off. And I've been hiding my truth for a very long time, avoiding leadership offer & speaking positions, because I perceive that I've interrupted in other people's flows massively in the past, which caused a lot of pain for all of us. And what you said gave me a sense of freedom. I don't know why I cry so much.

Baby just lives in full, not asking am I being too emotional?
Whatever is in your background, why do feel we need to hide it? It represents a split within us.
Compartmentalization is violence. Flow is based on preferences.
Why do I want to do this? - Some other flow that exist
I can only offer myself humbly, knowing my limits. I'm honored to hear what I have offered has been of value. My life experience is yours.
I continue to reinforce external reference when I read needs list.
It's not great that I'm not meeting your needs. It's great you're telling me you aren't satisfied. It's great for you to say "no", instead of going along and defer. If he's willing to tell me, we're better off. When we're willing to tell our truth,
I start engaging and neither of us know where it's going to go. Every second - everyone else try to make meaning.
Before you speak, can you hold your thought? I want to do editorializing as I speak?
I tend to speak quite dramatically often. Please don't take me primarily on my words.

I encourage you to practice with a small 4-10 needs list: physical needs, freedom, connection, meaning.
Step into leadership in the most visionary way possible.

My old blog post on leadership doesn't ring true.

Leadership is an orientation not a position

Taking back power to serve the whole.

Our world is going down in flame and creating violence.

No objective "that person is powerful". But "that person feels powerful". Someone in power, Trump loses his sense of self every 5s.

When you imagine yourself stepping into the fullness of your leadership & power, to take care of the biosphere, what comes up for you? What excites you, what feels like obstacles?

Scary, who am I to do this, I'm dumb and greedy

I'll be like Madrigal & Momo, joyful, courageous, tender, going as slow as life takes me.

Pause. I see you speaking fast, I want to manage the fear. Take a breath. Let me know if you caught up with yourself.

If the tears were to speak what would they say?
"Don't hurt me" sounds first thing in my ears like a child saying to a person in authority. Does that ring truth?
In this moment there are constraints, but another moment we can connect to this.

Are you someone who's able to track and shift from a battling metaphor to a [more NVC?] metaphor

We have some constraints in how far we'll go in battles, while the systems don't.

Soft qualities: tenderness & vulnerability can transform patriarchy.

What question can you ask that will help you decide?

This is not an NVC practice group, but how on earth are we going to deal with the shift that's happening here. Does that help enough?
I don't believe there's a future for humanity if we continue with accumulation & exchange. Gifting oriented by needs and not something abstract like market value. 17% more people, 64% of what has been given.

Giving less because of scarcity consciousness, not because they cannot. Don't take this personally.
Can I stretch to give more? Conversely for others, can I stretch to give less. Give the most that'd enable you to be here.

For people who decided to not come back, what did you learn from this one session?

Flow, mobilization and agency
I can't single-handedly compensate or undo the pillaging and stealing of the global south, but I want to do my part.

Resources:

https://thefearlessheart.org/leadership-101/
https://nvctraining.com/assets/_2022/MK/responding-to-the-call/Holding_VM_Structure__RTTC_2022.pdf
https://ahpb.org/wp/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Miki-Kashtan___The-Power-of-the-Soft-Qualities-to-Transform-Patriarchy_WEBSITE_formatted-v2.pdf
Further contribution: https://nvctraining.com/registration/signup/RTTC2022-ADDITIONAL-GE
dianeboshart@gmail.com, Carolyn-simon@hotmail.com

Feb 12 - #02 - Leadership & Asking for Support

Gift economy: All of us, including those who gave nothing, made this possible. When we operate on the gift economy and not transaction, we open it up to more people while still saying financially sustainable.

Scarcity: self-fulfilling prophecy on COLLECTIVE level NOT individually. I talk on a material level not abstract. Loop created through little everyday interaction. Don't trust anyone. Control everything.

Each of us cannot 100% change it, but we can exit it.
The ACT of generosity is the antidote, not healing trauma or anything.
Give what you can: If someone asks you for something, we feel this contraction. We ask ourselves, within this contraction, is there any amount of $, love, etc., that we feel comfortable. We stretch a little bit beyond what is comfortable. My prediction (I don't know) is that over time, scarcity will decline.
Ask for what you need: Babies know how to ask. We're trained out of our natural flow of asking for what we need.

How is that for you?

I'm super grateful for you. I'm so happy to be corrected by you. You gave feedback that maintained my dignity. "You probably meant only this ...". You're telling me the impact, but uncoupling it from my intention.

Is it okay to ask your question a bit later? Please track this, I might not remember.

How do we step into leadership? How do we challenge the popular notions of leadership?

What keeps you from asking for support?

Your heart is thundering but it doesn't show on your face. Part of male training. Thank you for telling me so I can take better care of you.

Take care of the whole. BUT do you see yourself as part of the whole? Reproduce sacrificial logic.

Break out needs down to tangible, doable things that they can do WITHOUT knowing our entire life stories.

This person understands they cannot care for my emotional needs. They asked me several times a day, "Is there anything tangible I can do for you?". A cup of tea is enough.
Write down all the things you do - KEY to being an organizer.
Care for you: 3 ways, actions NOT concepts.

If you ask them to break "no personal life" that's a big ask.

What is your experience like in the last week of working here? What happens in your life? - Why the SECOND question relevant to your role as a leader? Tweak it towards PURPOSE of organization.

Connection in the workplace is different from personal/ home connection. We need to ask PURPOSE-related questions.

I'm not 100% sure about what you're saying. Rather than trying to understand I'll try to clarify what I meant.

Human species orient our actions towards PURPOSE.

I'd like to expand on something that isn't directly related to what you're saying:

Flow: effortlessly following preference
Emergency: we do whatever
Mobilization: quintessential way of human being - we choose where to put our intention. When flow encounters another flow, it gets interrupted. We mobilize. We're taught to use right/wrong, should's, ... to mobilize. NVC gives us a new channel of mobilization - move from preference to needs. Put all needs on the table and choose what we need to do.
PURPOSE: is an algorithm for prioritizing our needs. Much of the work we do in organizations is incentive-based NOT meaning-based. I'll bracket that. But there's something bringing us together. I'll bring us back to that purpose, not the personal needs I have, else there's a mismatch.

Kel Cenga: Don't think about the elephant. Can you tie that back for me?

What I think is you have feedback - the way they function reinforces division between leadership and the team, and that affects everyone. This is different from you need a bit of support.

With the depth of longing in you, getting support elsewhere is better. NOT because you cannot ask for it in the workplace, but because you're wrapped up in not knowing how to do it.

Care desert for white male leaders.

Every meeting starts with check-ins & celebration. Why don't we do a PURPOSE check-in? In relationship to the PURPOSE of what we're here to serve together, how am I doing? How am I as I orient towards that? It's sacred for me. Intimacy related to purpose, not random.

I'd like to be able to connect with you and see what we can do together, would you like to come and take a seat?
Would you tell me what you heard me say? Yeah you told us to sit down.

Purpose is context-dependent, time-dependent.

Pointed question: Top priority is take things off your plate. Ok, clear that off your plate.

To lead the way to interdependent collaboration. Is it hard to do it in a space heavily led by somebody else? --> interview those people what they specifically saw you do that serve, ask them to support you in making doing those things more meaningful and enjoyable.

In what ways I can do what I do while being supportive for you?

I can give you the headline: Use your best knowledge of me, think of what my needs look like to ME, not to YOU.

Is it on purpose for me to increase that capacity? I think it's not just related to me.

I don't know how VM will be integrated. It's organic in the overall holding of the course. I don't want to orchestrate, I want it to organically flow.

That is so close to what I meant that it takes all efforts away from me.

Sabine is it okay that we focus on her, because we divided our time among 3 people?

"Sabotaging myself" is a language in psychological circles and I'm concerned.

Asking specific is so vulnerable so I ask general so that I can be preemptively be okay if that doesn't happen.

What gets in the way of asking for support that prevents you from stepping fully being a human/ leader?

I'm afraid of being spurned. I cannot ask for my needs if I want to be liked.

I'm trained by my religion to be patient (?). I want care. Say thank you for all the small things I do. Pat me. Ask about my work? Little gifts in the farm & monastery made me giddy. Secret gifts without words. Praise like in Service Space?

Buy mom fun food. Buy sister fun food. Say thank you for the money she paid on me. She always gives me room to care for the little things. I feel tender. Buy soap & detergent for mom.

Purpose of the family: we're here to support each other, stay together through difficulties. To rejoice together, to be ourselves and accept our quirks and limitations.

nghe