Conflict Explorers

• We make mistake, not represent us at our best. Our modes (sheepish, bullish) may kick in.
• Spirit of experiment & curiosity
• Listen from the Heart
• Speak from the Heart - speak with heart, recognize our impact
• Confidential
• What conflict do we want to work with?
• You involve in
• You intervene
• Past. but not resolved
• You read about
• Asset Framing: What is your aspiration, the underlying motivation?
• Courageous in what I may have to offer

What has happened?

What conversation?

Do you have a plan?

Ask questions, not state statements. Speak into the listening of others.

How can I support you?

How can we stay connected?

Asset Framing: What're your hopes for how you think it'll be when you're living alone?

• What are your aspirations?
• What are your contributions?

What questions for plan: Plan for moving, Plan for emergency

Triggers: Defensive about where we think we're lacking?

• The deficit if there is one is in ME, not in you.
• This will be a big change, would you get together to check in with me, so we can stay current?
• We don't need all answers now.
• It's not wise to come in all stressed out.
• Look for the small agreements - build some trust, we can actually come to agreement.
• Allow the wise decision to be the child.
• We reject smart things just because someone told us so.
• Allow her to bring them up herself.
• Titration small doses. Don't put full dose.
• Allow the bad choices to be made. We don't actually know what the outcomes will be.
• No matter what happens we'll be together.
• Do you feel like this is the time for a break? My emotion is getting in the way.

The stories in the same conflict are widely different, because they're affected by our internal backgrounds, not just the common event itself.

Levels of resolution - Don't expect anything

• Agreement
• Forgiveness/ Greater understanding of ourselves

Usual 1-2 wks, I take 3 months. What I do don't meet her expectation. Co-plan & co-teach.

Union rep to give feedback & support.

Old world: disciplinary action = bring union rep. Context of bureaucratic machinery. Collective bargaining agreements.

• Rights & power --> Needs & interests (anything that gets our needs met are in our interests)
• Powerful people: need to validate their power

• M: What's the best outcome you want? (Understanding for your workload & efforts, autonomy within your class)
• Did she give you specifics? Do you understand? Agree?
• Procedural tasks
• Teaching standards - what'll be observed, feedback framed accordingly.
• Judgment: what was not in that lesson, little full sentences/ things she was looking
• Co-plan & co-teach
• 2 jobs, no time for what she's looking for
• Concession: students go to my room
• Not talk for 3 weeks
• What she needs?
• Prove to superiors that school makes impact on reading test scores. You don't need to point out that test scores are not going up anywhere.
• Want me to frame class true to the methodology of what we claim to do in our school
• No time to listen because too much demands on us
• Do you have same philosophy as your school?
• Just 2 observations cannot say much.
• Existential crisis at school - drop it, it'll come when it does.
• Mutual interest: what's best for the kids
• There's power imbalance here. And what do you hope to be the outcome?
• Start with clean slate. Return to what we agreed to observe & measure at the beginning of the year.
• Solutions: EDST (Educator Development and Support) - student teaching student
• Adjust evaluation to accounts for pandemic
• Manage up: clarify what you do. Share your ideal/ big vision of what you desire to do in normal world, and what you need to do in this real world.
• Don't justify. Explain why I did this - don't be defensive, but upbeat, inspiring, enthusiastic help to shift the tone and build rapport.
• Not what's wrong with this teacher. But here he is, willing to take criticism, willing to grow, being innovative.
• Dress in what makes you confident. Have in your back pocket the knowledge that you worked your butt off to care for the kids.
• Find those words like "innovative" that are true to you, and inspiring.
• From the moment she said it's non-negotiable, I don't meet her often because I do what I believe is best for the kids.
• Care for the kids. Mental health professionals - they said it is good.
• Care for you.
• Care for principles - protocols & contact tracing
• Leon: What do you feel your growth edge is in this situation? Conflict is a path to growth.
• 13 years sec school. Not been at elementary in 2001. Big learning curve to research best practices. New content (from ESL to reading instruction). No coaching coz packed schedule.
• Adjust to a new school. First female administrator in 14 years.
• Leon: Which of the 4 intentions could be an ally/ teacher for you in this situation.
• Took her comment as criticism and I feel embarrassment that I have to do it again, with the principle next to me.
• Principal said she's willing to observe me with a small-group.
• Take it as a learning opportunity, to share & inspire what I'm doing.
• The ball is in my park to shift the tone.

I just want to thank Jeffrey, I saw a huge shift that you made just during this session. You started with a situation of power imbalance and restriction, and you jumped to dropping your interpretations, aiming to grow and serve, all amidst the stresses of growing professionally during the pandemic. Big thanks to your courage, and to everyone for your wisdom. I hope everyone here can have a bit more rest and peace.

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Moving there and settling in: Feb

Rent: can ask her in March

You moving back: can ask her in April

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Sylvia: retirement, public school, COVID fight

Glori: MFT, pain under the stories

Leon: conflict is inside

China & Russy: 

Malcolm Foley: help young ppl resolve

Jeffrey: elementary school specialist

Zimbardo: Dispositional view of human behavior - doesn't consider systemic & structural influences