04.06.2022 Money
Good life
Our innocence is paid for our parents' suffering
When you made a mistake, you say "Tadah!"
Marshall & Al Chapelle: Life's sweet flow "I want to stay in touch with life's sweet flow"
Marshall on Money: https://youtu.be/aQYIQUS2VBQ
A joyful experience with money
If you need something, ask for it.
I bet you enjoy giving me money.
I'd like to hear what you'd need to hear from me, in order to make it fun for you to give me 10k?
I got a plan to get a trainer for each dollar donated.
- What do you charge money for?
- Why do you charge?
- What do you pay money for?
- Why do you pay?
- My time. Materials and questions and receptiveness prepared. Harvest images & documents. My care.
- I want people to value my work, not take it for granted. To know that my wellbeing matters to them. To support mom paying the bank. To be a responsible daughter and person. To feel at ease and not guilty for being a burden, squirming, anxious. To have a sense of security (savings) and spaciousness (generous gifts, not counting dollars). If I'm not paid, would I still do hosting? No. E-course? No.
- Tech gadgets. Groceries (mom). Electricity & water. Courses (often at a discounted price). Bus & bike fares to see my loved ones and enjoy good time.
- To make life easier. To survive comfortably. To grow. To have meaningful conversations, feeling like I'm supporting someone. To make my loved ones happy. To contribute & express gratitude. ("have to")
- What do you request money for?
- Why do you request it?
- What do you give money for?
- Why do you give it?
- Support with something beyond my capacity (e.g. LP). A pay-raise to feel more fair in the relationship, not like I'm doing a charity case. I'm see her comments. It makes me wary, thinking she might say similar things about how I'm not doing good work, disapproval, rude, etc. I request (possibility of saying no) to my sister & cousin.
- I want to stretch. I want to be valued and cared for. To tease, give her motivation to step out of her comfort zone, I can gladly not take the money if she "got over" her shyness, I contribute to her "growing up", I don't think I'm "coddling", happy in the sense that "I'm right, you improved now, you're good". Relief, that without me, without support, she can survive. Ease. Pre-empting burden.
- I give poor people. Give my mom and kids. Give to NGOs that do good work.
- I want to make them happy, show them I care, build a relationship with them, give them safety, that I got their back.
I haven't been requesting, been living small.
Request is for beyond survival, when I feel safe enough.
I deserve this amount: them to SEE my worth (credit), me to EARN my worth (deficit).
I don't know what is fair.
I can do it, but I don't want to, because I'm worried I can't be there for you always. vs. You should do this or else you'll be a loser.
There's enough production, just distribution is messed up.
I charge because I think I deserve more, I pay because I think don't deserve that much love, care, ...
Anything you receive from me, you don't have to give me back.
I'm giving to the whole next generation.
charges, fines, rewards, penalizations, I'm the voice of society.
Erich Fromm: Art of Loving. Patriarchy - If you are good, you deserve this, but you don't get what you want, you get what the rules define. Matriarchy - You get what you need.
I can't imagine anything more dehumanizing than the idea that someone's hour is worth more than another person, because they deserve so.
Never do anything for money. Get money to do what's meaningful for you.
Jori was Exec Director of CNVC. 2006, Marshall was the highest paid employee. And also the largest donor. Give back 70% of the money.
- Pay > Give to serve life
- Charge > Request to help me do the work I want to do
- Transforming the concept of worth
Participation Support Deposit-Gift: To encourage your whole hearted participation throughout the learn-shop, please give a deposit at the time of registration. All or part of the deposit-gift can be returned to you upon full participation of all sessions and daily mindfulness practices. Or, all or part of the deposit-gift can be offered to Sœui-Fah as a gift. Other forms of gift exchange are also welcomed (such as offering a donation to a charity of your choosing, gift vouchers from local organic food stores to Soeui-fah or someone else etc). A suggested deposit-gift amount is NTD 2000-4000 or HK$500-1000, or any amount that would support your participation, or an amount that expresses your gratitude and generosity.
Scholarship = extra hurdle
Money 07.06.2022
What is going well?
How do I define money? Currency, acceptable item of exchange. (1-on-1 view) vs "Presence is the greatest currency." Physical, emotional, spiritual energy.
- a way of moving resources, often controlled by others
- a common belief that we share, that with this, unknown people will take care of me
- "I forget that I have a paycheck. I just love my job so much."
What does money mean to me? Worth. Responsibility. Security. That I am loved.
- Distract us from who we are, we all are different, when money erodes that
- Throwing away the misshapen cornerstone
- Joe: Something that I exchanged my life energy for.
What was I taught?
"Ước gì chúng ta có nhiều hơn để có thể cho nhau"
Đói cho sạch, rách cho thơm
Của bền tại người, tiết kiệm
Nhà mình nghèo nên đừng đòi hỏi & Nếu cần thì mua, bao nhiêu tiền cũng được, "Cho phần tốt nhất cho người thân", nếu thấy con muốn gì mẹ sẽ cố gắng mua
Thương con thì sẽ cho con tiền
Bà không biết mua gì cho cháu nên gửi tiền cho cháu
Không làm ra tiền, ăn trên ỉa dưới là đồ vô dụng, vô trách nhiệm
Người nghèo là người lười
Làm gì có ai giúp mình được đâu, họ hàng giàu cũng không, cha mẹ nghèo càng không, mỗi người tự sống cuộc đời của mình thôi
“Của biếu là của lo, của cho là của nợ” - "A gift is a source of worry, a present is a debt."
"Mắc gì phải ngửa tay xin tiền người khác?"
Xã hội thối nát, ăn trên ngồi trốc, vào công ty ngồi không mà hưởng lương, có quyền là có tất, hoạnh hoẹ dân đen
Người tốt sống trong xã hội này sẽ bị bọn nó bóp chết, tốt nhất là đi khỏi, tốt nhất là sống đời bình thường không làm hại ai
@so much constriction
There is grace even in the flow of money. >< Love of money is the root of all evil.
Money comes when it is needed. >< You have to deserve what you need.
You ask for what you need and people want to give it to you. >< Money doesn't grow on tree.
You're worthy regardless of what you own. >< Money defines your worth.
Money loves me and constantly wants to find me. >< Love for money is unrequited.
I'm worthy of love/money. >< I don't need love/money.
You treat money like to treat your love. Do you believe it's scarce or are you generous?
deeper & deeper experiences of interdependence
George Kinder - 7 stages of money maturity (innocence, pain, knowledge, understanding, vigor, vision, and aloha)
Cultivating Vitality - connect more deeply with our own needs
(1) Innocence
(2) Pain & Suffering
(3) Knowledge: Learn & gain more skills to make observation about our financial wellbeing.
(4) Understanding & Compassion
(5) Vigor
(6) Vision
(7) Aloha
If I ask you how much money you spent on entertainment/ housing/ last year?
1. Track all money
2. Track all money I receive
3. How much money do I earn/spend/ net work --> How much is enough for me to focus on my service?
4. Go and interact with the poor, do they resent me, an unknown young woman trying to be skimpy? Why is this fear of others' contempt?
5. I am afraid that when I fail & age people will run away? I can only say yes to my mom & sister.
How do you know what is enough?
Check in with mom & sister - are they okay? If we're not well-off, can we still be okay?
What is it that I want? Living in interdependence? Clarity of mind & enlightenment, sturdiness in my soul? Living in gratitude?
Am I allowed to reach high, travel, learn, self-care? Is that selfish? What about the poor that I'm not even interacting with?
"Pay all the bills, insurance, property tax. Travel overseas without worry."
All of this caring is not wasted. I'm so afraid it's wasted. It's adornment for my mind. It's growing me in my generosity & equanimity. - Counting ratio, vs being present.
What's the cost of not knowing what is enough?
Workaholism.
=Get clear on what we want & Support group
@As I listened to my group-mates, a lot of imagined judgments towards myself came up, and I’m encouraged to test those judgments out: what if I actually sit with people on the streets more, what if I actually say aloud what I want, what if this time I just give or receive and not think so much, etc.
gazingus pin: things you collect, give money for, without adding value to your life
Am I exchanging my life energy for gazingus pin?
Always wait 24 hours to buy something.
22.06.2021 Enemy Images
Hôm nay mình đã thấy hiểm nguy của việc 2 người đang có mâu thuẫn nói chuyện trực tiếp với nhau và ngắt lời nhau liên tục.
Dissolving Enemy Images
- Zero Step
- Self-Empathy
- Empathy
- 9:30 - 9:40: Welcome, Introduction of flow
- 9:40 - 10:06: BOR of 3 in 9+2 mins, then popcorn of 2 voices
- 10:05 - 10:10: Self-intro by demo candidates
- 10:10 - 10:25: Demo (Vaccination) - Kt (listening ears, wary about vaccine) vs J (triggered)
- 10:25-10:42: Discuss Demo
- Self-empathy outloud for demo partners
- Any needs met by others?
- Observations of what happened: guess what's important for Joe under his judgmental questions
- 10:42 - 10:50: Journal
- Observation: Write down a polarized situation. A wants __________ and B wants ___________.
- BOR of 3 roles: Observer, Convincer, Empath.
- 10:53 - 11:08: BOR
- Invitation: I would like to talk to you for about 15 mins, about...
- This is something you're eager to get. You're worried about my choice.
- You really wanted to hear what it's like for me?
- I can feel discomfort rising in my body. I hear your passion, and your anger too.
- I hear you expression some exasperation that I'm not even looking.
- I hear your care for others.
- If I say yes, what would that do for you?
- How it touched me so much when I heard, I hear your intensity and urgency.
A wants to keep her profile low: to not share about her credentials, or to tell personal stories on Facebook. B wants to introduce A as a credible person, wants to publish stories to inform audiences.
A wants to
A wants B to take full responsibility for his behavior and coping mechanisms. B wants to blame A or share the blame by saying “we” need to work on this that or the other.
A wants to make clear plans. B wants to hole up and learn more to make herself ready.
Cohabitation
Katrina - Love Smart Cards
Robert Gonzales
Karen Starz Compassionate Communication
29.06.2021 Enemy Image
9:30-10:35: Check-in, Demo empathy, review
- I was distracted by the noise.
- I hear you're scared. I hear how strongly you feel about wanting to protect everyone.
- I put my attention on the other person, especially on their heart. To search for that positive intention.
What is an enemy mean to me?
Someone who stops me from getting what I want. In that flash moment, they become an enemy. Someone who causes unpleasant emotions, who presents a threat, who doesn't appreciate me.
- Enemy: someone whom I want to punish, harm or kill.
What is a friend to me?
A friend is someone who supports my deepest intentions, to be a better person in this world.
To always assume the goodness inside me.
How do I know when I have an enemy image?
I am wary, closed, spiteful. I think I'm right and they are wrong.
When your heart rate goes up, you're temporarily deaf.
Evaluation (moral judgment) /Thought/Image of wrongness
Urge to harm/punish/kill
Feelings of Separateness
Anger
Resentment
Contempt
What is the cause of an enemy image?
Simplification of life.
I feel … because you ….
PPPPPT piss-poor protoplasm poorly put together
They + are + ... What comes after is a diagnosis.
- They are different
- They deserve to be punished
What is the antidote?
Notice and Name the enemy image (Observation)
Self-Compassion and/or Receiving Empathy
Empathy for the other
Request (next step within your power)
06.07.2021 Integration Game
Mình thật sự ước gì có một hội đồng (committee) như thế này ở trong đầu mình. Mọi người thông cảm cho nhau, mọi lời nói ra chỉ là một thử nghiệm và chúng ta sẽ làm gì tiếp theo đây, thay vì đổ lỗi cho bản thân.
Roleplay a family member
- So you're excited about finding real community
- So you would really like some support in your pursuit for the community, is that the truth?
- J. Krishnamurti "Recognition is simultaneous with liberation."
13.07.2021 Honesty
We are afraid of our internal reaction.Own our nervousness, don't blame the other person for our nervousness.
- Identify a scary honesty conversation:
- I don't know what to do with my life, mom. I think I want to go to be a nun, but I'm too much of a coward, that life is too intense and I'm afraid of letting go of all this comfort.
- Observation: Every time I found a university course or a job, I think "does this grow me spiritually, or am I just doing this for self-interest", that goes from reputation, money, to spiritual sangha
- Let's go for a higher desire
- I don't want to do workshops for the workplace. I want to cultivate more. I think I'm too idealistic about this business. I don't know how to make money for myself.
- Observation: I see VNG asked for a workshop. I imagine that I would be roped into preparing for something I thought unneccessary. All stress comes from desires. Just drop the desire. Then I blame myself for spiritual bypassing.
- Feelings: Overwhelmed (don't want to do it). This is unfamiliar territory. I don't want to grow in that direction.
- Game: I see ... I imagine ...
- I see: describe through camera
- I imagine: evaluation
- Observation:
- If a video camera was present for you the moment right before you felt something, what would it see?
- Feeling:
- On a scale of 1-10, what's the intensity of my feelings? What's happening in our body?
- Words from Feeling List only:
- When needs met: Relaxed, Content,
- When needs unmet: Afraid,
- Needs:
- What strategies were involved in your scenario? What are the underlying needs? Let's hear 2 scenarios you're dealing with.
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