December RTTC

Speaking the Unspoken Conversation Arnina - 3 Dec

=Speak about why we don't want to speak
=I'll hear a few topics & then see how we navigate

=I look at the phenomenon, how we as society/ community deal with challenges

=If we start with opinions (in a large group), we'll never get out. Take a breath. What is the intention.

=Did you hear this as criticism?

=What is my leadership? What is hiddership - hidden expectation of some leader figure, my should's?

=We inherit a long list of how everything should be -- This helps create an illusionary sense of safety.

Security is a need. Safety is a huge strategy.

What am I perpetuating in my thinking when I think something SHOULD be in a certain way.

Protective use of force
I receive someone's non-availability / aggression / unilateral --> I shut down & put up a wall while I want to open up.
Daughter doesn't clean/ eat. I expect her to be a responsible adult. I get triggered.
To protect our safety first or care for perpetrator's needs first
Individual leadership vs community responsibility.

- 16 Dec

We don't have to all do the same thing and find one thing that works

If the decision is in togetherness then we can do anything: divorce, split into smaller communities, as long as the decision is done in discernment about needs & togetherness
Here, we sustain the main purpose of what we're doing without it being a cost to individuals who may have lost their capacity to participate.
The world is not created in either/or. We superimpose either

If it's possible, without overstretching or resentment, to give more money.

How can we create clarity & connection about VM, orient everyone towards the agreement for next year
Consciously support active, recognizable leadership development w/in the course for ppl who're coming back

I didn't join VM this year

>> Think about any other purpose that we want to add to/ integrate into the 2 purposes Miki introduced.

- Self-organizing small groups

- People discuss agreements in breakouts

- More experienced people to hold small groups

- White Supremacy Culture - Tema Okun, how can we support people to break out from prevalent culture

- People come in to have a mini-teach about what they learnt/ facilitate the entire group on a topic and pass back to Miki, someone specific to support his person

- A joke each week

- Leadership vs Followership

=Do you see the distinction? Can you say it in your words, so I can know where the gap is?

=You're getting into a topic. I just need a list of things.

If the minority is small, you can attend to the impact on the side. If the minority is larger, you need to attend to the impact.

Saying that I have a reason for differential treatment, but I'll not discuss it now. Sometimes leaders make a unilateral decision.

I'm not explaining it clearly enough, people might have not heard what I meant. Ooh this is a challenge so I need to be clearer on this.

Request: Look at agreements - Say: This works for me. If you want to change, think of something that works better. Next week I'll work with people who step into co-holding with me.

Purpose fiend: Strongly direct people to purpose. Change purpose when needed.

A plan is an empathy guess of the future. The future comes and confirms if your guess was correct.

I can be super humble and still go all the way. Humility = remembering all the time that I don't actually know, I might be mistaken, I have no way to exit that condition. It's not like I do 5 more years of xyz and then I'll know. It's no excuse for not taking action. I take action and learn from it.

Meaningful relationships with my community

Behavioral Anchors (previously Action Agreements) - Dec 23

Transparency as sharing power

Give priority to those who prepared not necessarily those who wrote

5 Thresholds of Behavioral Anchors

Offering: Take it or leave it, no expectation.
Recommendation: The person thought of this strategy gave weight to this and believe it supports collective capacity to carry out our purpose. Please think of it.
Request: And if you don't want to do this, if you're not going to do this, please let us know. so we can track that in this team or that person. it's not going to happen and we know there may be some impacts. we're fine with it. We just want to know
Action Agreement: you're asked to do it unless there is an active reason related to a need that may have not been thought through by the people who designed the strategy.
Foundational Agreements: Being part of this group/ community, it doesn't make sense for you to be part of this group, if this doesn't feel like something that is yours to own and do. We're not asking for willingness. If you need to stretch into willingness to do the foundational agreement, then probably there isn't a fit and it's going to show up as conflict.

Marshall book about education: "behavioral objectives" "Toward autonomy and interdependence"

What will people KNOW by the end of your training and how can that be measured by THEM?

Susan Coaching

When you're saying "it", there is no human subject. What are you trying to say?

What did you mean, I didn't know how to say it? Did you lack courage or strength? ---> I think it's not important enough to bring up.

=Let's just take a few breaths to notice the devastation that was done to you to make it so.

=A radical thought ..uh..is coming to me... I don't have it anchored.

Check in with me if I'm over-stretching, because if I over-stretch there's something in the group that is impacting others.

=Is it within this or a new one?

A VOID

Super important in system
A need that is not met and made known
A magnet for strategies. Once I know what needs exist, I can give shape to the energy within me that wants to integrate.
Concrete gaps: this is how far we are from our vision.
An invitation to tap into collective creativity and purpose based contribution as it arises.

I'm so longing for us to have a void an have that be okay. The have-to-do something so that it's not dropped, an implicit energy that someone has to make sure it happens, that energy doesn't bring us to vision.

=Darby are you willing to think through this and come back with a request?

When people come to me with criticism, request, etc. I want to have a pathway for it to be redirected so that it isn't a weight on me.

An intention if not anchored in specific behaviors will slip back to normative patterns

-- Power & Privilege tracker

We grow first in void and then in capacity

YOUR DIGNITY IS INTACT EVEN WHEN YOU ARE EMBARRASSED. 🌹

=Longing for people to join with me in making room for the intensity. Too many of us have been told we're TOO MUCH. When we lighten up, no room to weep, to wail, to scream.

@I have this pattern of beating around the bush to abscond responsibility.

@Don't scale down my vision because of my capacity

@I was dishonest. Hid my lack of attention.

🥹🥹thank you Khang💐 this really brings tears to my eyes and warmth in my heart, we are here together🥹 and feel supported in where I am in my motherhood journey from your message🥹 im listening to your shares from the first recordings and I’m so moved… to witness your vulnerability, honesty and hear about you and your family I am inspired and can see the dear connection and love that Miki was referring to tenderly ❤️

For 80% of this session I thought that I was the global minority too dear Martha, I just learned that it was the other way around right before we got into the breakout.

Liason

If you need any context, or want to add input?

Do you have any observation about what happened?

VOID & LEADERSHIP - DEC 30

Individualizing impact of modernity is devastating - lack of meaning, purpose, community

A void is a leadership opportunity

@(Agreement) Criteria: returning participant who has been engaging with the VM framework for a while and thoroughly understands the behavioral anchors within this VM

We need to learn humility - lived humility, vibrant, tangible, visceral humility - that this is not perfect, it's not intending to be perfect or exhaustive. It's closed.

Why support Miki's capacity BEFORE support participants/ feedback/etc.

You're a non-redundant resource, you need to be as resourced as possible
Mother bear sacrifice her child because she can produce another cub/ Put air mask on someone first
Miki has power and that provides sustainance
Multiplier of energy/ acupuncture point?
The needs of people who're leading/ giving often go hidden - subvert patriarchal norm
This is learning edge for Miki and for us
When Miki's capacity is impaired, everything goes down. Miki holds the whole, holds structure of making decision. The total collective capacity depends disproportionately on me. It's not because Miki is better than someone. It's just because the structure is this way, the power piece is irrelevant.
Graceful degredation of function

The English leaves without saying goodbye. The Jewish says goodbye without leaving.

Emergency Room: See once, Do once, Teach once.

If no-one ever says no, then there's a "should" there.

What I am making myself available for is to be asked, and then I'll exercise willingness in saying "yes" or "no".

Which void(s) invite strengths that you already have?
Which void(s) are likely to stretch you towards more leadership or liberation?
What are your considerations for saying yes or no?

@Everyone is invited to the simple and potent leadership opportunity of holding full responsibility for their needs and making structural requests to attend to those needs.

Everyone is invited to orient to tracking what's happening, noticing needs & making requests of self or others.

Tasks are individual, but nothing is HELD individually except when it's a void.

A yes is no better than a no, a no is no better than a yes. I'm likely to learn & grow if I go one step further to ask WHY I say no.

Impact digestion - dense & precise liberation

When we're impacted, we fall into mistrust groove

Warm accompaniment & actual feedback

to create material structures, rooted in our physical being together, that subvert normative resource flow patterns as we nurse our individual and collective liberation and raise capacity to surround the patriarchal field with love

To rigorously, precisely and gently release to the whole what is no longer mine to do in support of accelerating collective capacity growth for untwisting fields as we continue to experiment together

=I experienced companionship in being able to experience precision as care.

How to present information in a way that provides people with something to rest in without getting them overwhelmed with details or with this or with that.

Without the VM, we're here for knowledge consumption. If you get into the VM, you become part of holding together something, wherever we each are in it.

It's a breath of fresh air because you disagreed with me and stay connected with me.

"Role": the person becomes instrumentalised
"Function": you stay and the function comes to you

Start from vision, go into reality, and then into the gap that's what we're teaching.

Often people only say "we can do better/ differently". The energy of vision lives within me and colors everything I talk about.

=Is there anything significant that anyone wants to say about the organizing of next year?

=When you hear jargon, just say it in clarity, with LOVE.

I don't know how to take information when I already took it in and did something about it. It's exhausting for me to do that.

I didn't have graceful degredation of function.

- further de-commodify our contributions to a group

- baseline capacity in a formed group

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I feel the enthusiasm you shared dear Daisy. I just want to say your sharing about conflict resolution and what you do on the beach have always inspired me. I’m always excited when you are about to speak. 🙂

I was very touched by the phrase “life singing through me” and “we’re in this together” dear Danni. Those are my aspirations but no one has said they sensed that about me before. And my body relaxed the moment I saw you on screen with your little one. Thank you for see me and my efforts. 🙏

Thank you Khang🥹😭 this means more than you know, sometimes I doubt myself after I speak so this means so much for me I have screenshot your message to save as encouragement… I’m actually doing some tapping eft to calm down lol ❤️ it inspires me to see an Asian using their voice to support this amazing vision for all ❤️

You’re chosen blessed and leading, and I love seeing Miki’s support for you, and interdependence and shared love there 🥹❤️

I also love that you mentioned my daughter and see her ❤️ she loves to say hi on the calls❤️ and pointed out Miki and niki 😂and Dyld 😂

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My experiments with truth:

Connect with my neighbor though I don’t have many points with contact. No contact, no way to contact.

Tell them I want a future with them
I want other connection points
I missed gio ba to invite, is there another way?
Listen, watch, write about it
Start with a comfortable grown man, Vietnamese: if I don’t drink or talk politics, can I connect?

anh Lâm, anh Huân?
Thế hệ cha chú: Chú Khánh, chú Tuấn (politics), cậu Cương (aiya), cậu Chiến (yay),

Living in community - designing agreements about how we share responsibilities?

Instead of just sending mom money?
Guiding my cousins on what school they go to
Chien & Phan: What can I support with housing?
Asking for support from mom/ An: Can you help me in finding my vision? Can you share with me your vision for the future? Can you support me when I’m swept away by pleasures?
Talk to those grown-up men, drinking their sorrows? I’m always a small girl. Smart girl, foreign-educated, think I know better, can be beaten down by brute force & raped. → I’m different, willing to listen (how can I make sure I don’t bend??? Don’t seem placatory?)

Siobhan truth

I cannot be with you forever.
Is LinkedIn aligned with my vision?

GTTA truth

I want to bring this company into partnership, long-term

What is the money issue?

I want work experience? What kind? In a large corporation? No more small teams?

AOH truth:

What kind of challenge/ portfolio do I want?
I want new friends vs. I want friends aligned with my purpose.

Is individual healing aligned? Am I moving forward now towards activist & core team healing?

I’m learning about training. Is it aligned with my vision?
Is grief healing aligned?

Money & Homelessness

Talk to ppl on the street

nghe