Jan - Feb | Responding To The Call of our Times 2023

Leadership - Feb 11

Leadership: orient towards it in every moment

What does leadership mean to you? What does it mean for you to grow your leadership capacity? How is that related to responding to the call of our times?

• Leadership means đứng mũi chịu sào. Stick my neck out for more than me.
• Courage. To share if something is meaningful to me, even when others say or I myself say I have to right to say it.
• Not ignore it.
• What do you imagine we'll do this year that will support you?
• Keep this spirit within, come here and see all of these people trying
• To be able to process and talk about these concepts so they become a part of me, not borrowed

@Taking ourselves seriously. Not just those who think fast get to engage

Men/middle & upper speak more and sooner. Brave speaking first.

Invite people who tend to speak first to tune in the joy of listening - reflective, integrating, receptive. NOT to shut up, but shift your orientation.

@I sensed what you shared already make ripples

@I want to reflect back to you 2 qualities: Density of words (put a lots of meaning in not a lot of words).

@That's a terrible reason to have a huge strength, still you have this strength.

@You took the request & yourself seriously, and spoke with humility. The people who control & rule can learn from that.

@Willingness to own your limitation, without hiding or making a big fuss.

Thich Nhat Hanh story

How little we know about what size of action will contribute

Accurate to match the capacity that exists, calibrate it specifically so it's laser -like

I'm a leader when I know that I matter. Listen to see how my choices can include their needs.

=If you didn't have the guilt, what would you do that count as leadership.

=Not blur process & conditions, with what's the thing we're trying to do.

=So much energy trying to perfecting oneself as its own goal. But a vision bigger than self, and increasing our capacity towards that. If we get caught up in emergent needs, we are drained.

Privilege is something that is given to you by social structures, not by who you are. --> Shift it from guilt-entitlement complex, to reverence & stewardship.

Speak my truth with care to people who have more power than me. Invite and inform others to care for these truths with me, instead of limiting what I want within my fluctuating capacity.

My capacity fluctuates.

To have faith

- not try to do things alone.

Life gave us these gifts, however painfully they were created

Very difficult to sustain the commitments of leadership without vision.

She is positioned to not trust herself.

Stop being a personal growth thing - more confidence. Not about

=Wondering if that gives you energy.

Take capacity you have, increase by 5%, do it with the discomfort, you don't know, you'll be laughed at. Don't wait for it to be ready, do a small part.

I did my very small peace.

Supporting the flowing together to common purpose.

=Pause with the discomfort, until something comes.

Dismantling this attachment to safety is a tall order and absolutely necessary.

"If you think you head this story before, you have not been listening."

=Not about being assertive, but about taking myself seriously, and be willing to do what is necessary to step into bringing all your gifts to the world.

----- Breakout -----

Help people move towards their vision one at a time or as a group

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There is nothing about risk-taking in and of itself that is of value. Always risk-taking towards something that we care.

How we orient towards Leadership - Feb 18

CAPACITY ASSESSMENT:

1.STRENGTH: We're not supposed to name & celebrate our strengths

• As we move into leadership, what are our strengths?
• =I want to first populate the field with strengths. Breakout 7 mins -- report back strength.
• Organize who does which part by strength.
• When we share our strengths, we go into interdependence, instead of resting in the illusion of moneyed independence.

2. LIMITATIONS: We're not supposed to have limitations: Hold our limitations together as information, and together find a way to compensate. e.g. I forget, others send emails to remind me.

• If I'm ashamed to let others know, I compromise collective capacity.
• Limits (all of us & the earth have it
• & Limitations (a way in which my way of functioning or my capacity I don't have capacity in certain areas)
• 7 years ago: I no longer did "growth for growth's sake"
• What would you be compensating for that would still put you in a position of leadership? A woman asks another to make public presentation instead of her.
• Is my personal growth my goal, or achieving a purpose my goal?
• If the purpose includes my improving presentation, then I should try. If the purpose just means we best persuade people, then I use my strength to gather people, and ask someone else to present (e.g. MLK)
• @I asked the same question! Does it matter that I grow in my career, this self-improvement project.
• @Patience, Honesty. Motivated, organized, quick-thinking. Good listener, build trusting relationships, feel for who would work together well, analytical. Super long-term vision. Willingness to sit in discomfort. Name the elephant in the room. Sense the collective field & name it.
• Most limitations come from conditioning. Strength may comes from coping with conditioning.
• What is it that I can do within the frame of "Responding to the Call of Our Times?"
• If I go into spinning about compromising, maybe I need to scale down.
• =Be gentle in naming our limitations
• Function under pressure: Is my pattern criticizing myself, or thinking the obstacles are too big?
• If you were to compensate for this, if I was at your service, what would you ask me to do in support of you?
• We can grow capacity when we find the place that we have agency. (e.g. I can't make my thoughts to go away, but I want to be able to have these thoughts & still brush teeth.)

3. OPENINGS:

• Pick a purpose where I have enough openings & strengths, such that my limitations will not stop me from being able to do it, and the obstacles will not be beyond the capacity & strength I have
• Group raising barn-free goats go to earthquake place, make tangible difference for about 1000 people

4. OBSTACLES: external

• E.g. Discriminitation

There a little line at the top left of the screen where it says “Otter.ai (click here to open live transcript)”. Otter will always be here.

@I still am in my self-improvement project - speak my truth. Entrepreneurial - start a project, managing people. Scholar - read and synthesize. What if my vision is for myself to see family practice? Group practices? Listen for these group practices, look for these agreements.

@Make a list of the judgments I'm most afraid people will make of me:

1. Khang is stupid. So stiff. She tries to look like she's capable, but it's laughable.
2. 
   

28.02 - Strengths, Limitations

(1) What is leadership to me? What is my leadership vision?

(2) What are my strengths & limitations in relation to my leadership?

CÁC ĐỊNH NGHĨA

- Dung tích tối đa (Limit): Cuộc sống tự nhiên, trái đất, mọi sinh vật đều có.

- Giới hạn (Limitation): Một chức năng/ khả năng mà ta không có. Vd: không tin vào bản thân, mong mình hoàn hảo, sợ bị phán xét. Mình không tin rằng cuộc sống hoặc tập thể sẽ chăm sóc cho nhu cầu của mình, mà mình luôn phải gom góp (tiền, kỹ năng, v.v.) cho bản thân.

- Thế mạnh (Strength): Giới hạn có thể đến từ quá trình nuôi dạy mà những niềm tin được ăn vào đầu. Thế mạnh có thể là cách mà mình đối phó.

- Cản trở (Obstacle): Những khó khăn đến từ bên ngoài. Vd: Định kiến giới.

PHẢN HỒI CỦA TRANG KHI NGHĨ VỀ "MÌNH MUỐN TẠO ẢNH HƯỞNG GÌ KHI LÀM NVC?"

Tự nhận thức về hệ thống mà chúng ta ở trong đã và đang định khuôn chúng ta như thế nào? Thay vì hỏi "Ai là người có lỗi?" hãy hỏi "Chúng ta đang bị ảnh hưởng bởi hệ thống như thế nào?" Lòng trắc ẩn tự nhiên nảy sinh khi ta nhìn thấy hệ thống.

Stretching, Giving, Fuel - Feb 25

IMPACT DIGESTION

• support info flow, feedback & liberation
• When something happens that impacts us in any way, because the patriarchal conditioning within which we live is so deeply grooved in us. We are likely to go into reaction and into some narrative about what is going on that lead to the impact that is within separation and mistrust. We frame people as enemy.
• impact digestion is supporting people to be received and the intensity of the impact on them with a commitment to challenging narratives so that they are able to take responsibility for the impact to understand what is what actually happened.
• What is the story that I'm telling myself about it?
• And how do I hold that story in the unknown and within that story, what information do I have about what is going on within me? 
• what are the needs are that I have information about? 
• what do I want what would work for me? 
• what I would like from the other person? 
• what I would like us to co-hold?
• michaeltedescocc@outlook.com https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XbuRdsPHAOl4-M4eAzlBd7L7N65Qh0PDYbICsax7QO0/edit
• Narrative & Needs: Empathy & challenge others' narratives

A: Would you be willing to do the dishes today?

A: And I did the dishes yesterday. ---> Say people SHOULD be generous and their generosity drops!

  

JOYOUS GIVING & ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF MY CONTRIBUTION

• Check for understanding & succinct summary: we do this too little
• Long-standing awareness of context
• How far do we stretch into offering into offering what we have to offer before we pause to get fuel (recognition, connection, etc.)?
• How far do we stretch?
• What fuel do we need?
• How do we hold the tension of "giving" & "needing fuel" in our leadership?
• How do we ask for fuel WITHOUT should energy? (e.g. risking your significance, stepping into vulnerability: I would like to experiment, at the end of our meeting, we give 5 mins to appreciate what we did; e.g. model it, even if no one does it, you still appreciate people especially those who least appreciate others, do it PUBLICLY, not offline, only when it's genuine, we change the social culture)
• =what does "try" mean? what exactly are you afraid would happen? there are strained social relations, what could be a negative impact on a group to do a 5-min of appreciation? None. Then do it. When we say "I'll try", usually that means "I don't think I'll do it.)
• Ask for acknowledgment in a group without being steady in yourself might come across as demand ----- RELATIONAL NEEDS categorized as ego, narcissistic. These needs are judged. Hard to stand and say "I have these needs"
• How does the relative combination of these two change in relation to the gravity of whatever impacts the world?
• When the need is greater, we can stretch more.
• =conjecture: in highly independent collaborative environments, wanting recognition is far less important, because there's a web that holds it all. It's NOT that you shouldn't want it, but wanting recognition is a symptom of separation
• Relationship between the amount of women in a group & how well it functions --> how male & female training happen in this patriarchal society. proportion of women In a group and its effectiveness. Publshed in 2010. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100930143339.htm
• Piece of art with male's signature sells for more than female's
• =It doesn't take away from the wanting, I just want to contextualize it. This is something that's necessary in transitional time, when we're deprived of embededness, we want that recognition.
• It's NOT okay, it's there. Even if the need is a part of attachment, we will not lose the attachment by judging it. Bringing tenderness to the needs, not fight the needs, is the first step.
• MLK: The conflict is there before. The work that we're doing is exposing it.
• Name your mourning that this is what happening. This is a result of social structures and not anything about men or women.

LizO: A seeking certainty outlook (this kind of wanting & bundle of judgment) might stops me from resonance

Miki: If I don't want, I leak in sticky ways. Wanting is sacred, life.

Dlyn: my desires are goddess-given, life-given. this demand energy is where things get leaky.

Amina: (1) just ask, I want my name on the report, okay? (2) find allies, (3) share impact publicly, vulnerably

=If you think it's too fast, raise hand to ask for slow down & breathing. Whoever asks for it takes responsibility & says "thank you, that's the end".

I want us to collectively assume that I'm doing my best to keep the pace for non-fluent speakers.

Energy of "I have to..." -- no choice. We don't experience choice, the other hears demands/ judgment.

Hold what is important with utmost reverence and without clutching.

=make sounds not words, make the sounds, they are there. Imagine that you're holding this not just for you, but us. 20 SECONDS FOR A WAVE OF GRIEF TO MOVE THROUGH.

Every piece of digestion makes us bigger with a slightly more capacity to be present for whatever life brings. 

=Now I invite you to speak in words about how you are now and what's next in your leadership.

What I want is not what the group wants

Acknowledge what people are already doing --- 

Trust my instinct to hold these gatherings, hold important things with joy and lightness

To-do: When we model things publicly, we shift the culture.

Ask for this need to be in the open, to be co-held, not necessarily met by a specific person/action.

KÉO GIÃN MÌNH & DỪNG LẠI ĐỔ XĂNG - MIKI 25/02/2023

>> Chúng ta kéo giãn mình bao xa để chăm sóc cho nhu cầu của toàn thể? Bao giờ thì ta nên dừng lại để đổ xăng? Xăng của ta là gì? Làm sao để nhờ người khác đổ xăng mà không mang suy nghĩ là "họ nên làm điều này cho mình?"

"Nâng niu nhu cầu, đừng quắp chặt lấy nhu cầu"

"Khi ta đứng vững trong nhu cầu,(đặc biệt là các nhu cầu xã hội thường bị đánh giá là ích kỷ, đề cao cái tôi) ta mới có thể đề xuất với ít năng lượng đòi hỏi."

"Làm mẫu hành vi mà mình muốn trong nhóm, thay vì chỉ 1-1. Hãy đặt cược sự quan trọng của bản thân mình, hãy đóng góp ngay cả khi người khác và số đông không ghi nhận đóng góp của bạn."

"Cùng 1 sự kiện, não mỗi người sẽ tự chế tạo một cách hiểu khác nhau." impact salad

"Ghi nhận là nếu bạn hỏi/ tóm tắt/ yêu cầu chậm lại, bạn đang đóng góp cho tiến trình nhóm."

I still relish the time I read of the visit of several Buddhist scholars from the West to the Dalai Lama, in which they had an ongoing discussion with him for a few hours before he could finally grasp the depth of self-loathing that is air to us: it was entirely unfamiliar to him.

... all children have a chance of growing up in environments that trust their innate humanity and allow them to flourish. Not an easy task when we have been trained to believe that unless controlled, children will be selfish and aggressive. In such a world, the word “ego” will lose meaning, and we will regain access to the beauty of what our minds can be: instruments of great cognitive and emotional capacity in the service of all life.