Responding To The Call of our Times - May June 2023

Interdependence - May 27

Capacity Lens: we have somebody available

Job: There is this job, someone has to DO it regardless of capacity.

A woman come into therapist office being asked "Please tell me how you are?" "Why should I want to? You're here looking like you're only doing a job, no real connection."

Please let your speaking or not speaking be part of our liberation.

=Why would I think what I have to offer is not important?

=I never want somebody to shut up, I want us to practice receiving if we're used to speaking & contributing.

What does it mean to move and shift from being an individual to being an interdependent being

The more privileged you are, the more you're trained to be an individual

Privilege = To be willing to have our needs at the expense of others

We're habituated to think it's okay

Danni - Menifee, Southern California

Take yourself seriously and restructure your life, then it'll ripple out

=Society teaches many things: to care for all these people and to be cheerful. It's a setup.

CEO creates involuntary cooperation.

Not just bringing people together, but what to we need to shift within ourselves?

Tanya: should do everything all by myself. --> Trust in life, admit I can't do it by myself, then I found a partner with me.

REWRITE WHAT WE MEAN BY CHOICE: The carrot of "doing it by myself" is "infinite freedom". When I'm in relationship, I no longer can do whatever I'm damned please.

=Hang tight for a moment everyone.

Carolyn: Power requires cooperation from the people. 3,5% population in an organized movement, not an individual. 80% of US population wants universal health care.

"Have somebody to get the words out" - a goal. Find a team, build a team - the way to the goal.

=What is the difference that you see? Working with people rather than directing people.

Release attachment to outcome. Beautiful vision, intense, anxious energy make it hard for people to come to you. VS I might die and my vision doesn't happen, still I want to play with this, would you want to come with me? Frome - UK, no political parties. You can be super sad but not to hold tension about the possibility of it not coming.

Confidentiality was a sort of a strategy, was maybe meant to solve for people not feeling trust that maybe things would be discussed with care for both sides. 

• Deciding how we would talk about things. Confidentiality is impossible as an agreement. What they want to say, how to say it. Discussion took entire morning.

Fury at the filed of psychology for inventing the term separation anxiety, as if that's like a normal thing that you have to go through in order to individuate so that was like a pivotal moment of getting it that individuation is is a false goal 

  YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEBODY TO STRETCH BY TELLING THEM THEY SHOULD.

- Be open to her needs. Trust her needs. + She doesn't have capacity to care VS She doesn't care. 

- Bring my needs with an assumption that other people care. Appeal to humanity. VS Given me skilled weapons. + I'm speaking on behalf. It's just my wish. I don't advocate for others. Open to her needs for growth & my need for rest. + Privilege

-----dress-rehearsal. "Burn your own wood." Burn the pile yourself so you it doesn't randomly explode.

@ I used to act the same: I don't want to share the risk, I'm here to do the job and I receive a salary, I don't care what the end result is. Perhaps because I felt the employer doesn't care about me, so I'm out to care for myself. I don't align, I just do, and then I demand payment for my off-purpose work.

We have a small team and a new marketing person. We have a practice of asking people to share the survival/ minimal amount (we won't do it if we don't get this), and a sustainable amount (we are happy if we receive this). The new person consistently put more on the table. Others have been sharing in the risk, whatever the amounts we receive. I feel resentment. I'm afraid if I list out all the things she received we seem calculating.

I do the same in other jobs.

Is there another way I can look at this?

Not how you show up but what you do?

@Share our needs, just the bare needs

Dearest Khang, 

What you shared is present and alive for me too — I was already marveling how what is happening in your part of the world and in your work is also happening in my part of the world in my work. And Miki’s response was SO SO SO VERY applicable to what I am holding and trying to do. I look forward to supporting you and I know I will gain invaluable insights as well. So please do not hesitate to reach out. Would you like me to suggest some times? Or would you like to look at some times that can work for you? I AM HERE FOR YOU! ❤️

--

Of course — it can be any time!! (Once we surmount the time zone challenge, the world is our oyster!) Someone else chatted that they would like to join us and also have a similar experience. 

Let’s try for next Friday after party and I can be flexible if that ends up not working out. 

NEEDLESS TO SAY: 

You are NOT ALONE 

This shit is SYSTEMIC AF!!!! 

Sending you love!

--

Khang❤️ I loved hearing your voice and share🥹 and your reflection at the end… about how this was different than weapons…❤️🪷

--

You can so easily tap into vulnerability & humility. Miki trusts that you can take in what she says, no need to check in often nor do empathy work.

Thomas Hübl - collective healing

support net together! mzgalli@gmail.com ❤️

Capacity Lens - May 13

The Capacity Lens as a Path to a Post-Patriarchal Society

• Release attachment to fairness by humbly accepting doing only what is possible
• Learn to relax into necessary stretching while simultaneously releasing patterns of overstretching 
• Understand the inner and outer dimensions of capacity assessment
• Discover how interdependence can co-hold what is needed and identify where the capacity and willingness exist to attend to it.
• Be with what is, instead of focusing on the internal noise (what I/someone should do)

Potential Big Project with Far Reaching Impacts in the Area of Climate Change form.

Violence is an expression of lack of capacity.

Bridging - mutual capacity:

• Double capacity assessment: my own, and the other's
• Capacity is always in relation to purpose
• Decision to leave void

Capacity assessment:

• Strength & Limitation: same quality (thoroughness) can be a strength/ limitation depending on the purpose (publish a book/ prototype)
• Openings & Obstacles
• Our strengths match up others' limitations, shapes matching, alchemy

Example: barter network

• The primary for motivation is meaning or money? If you have enough money coming in, would you do this work?
• Working for money reduces our capacity, saps our energy
• #my intuition is so strong, that this isn't actually yours to do on in the deep sense and that you are actually because of that, you're pushing your capacity and that's why you're not going to be productive. 
• How to orient to this in a way that maximizes your strengths and compensate for your limitations with each other
• No point in making round peg square or criticize how the task is done. Here is the task, what we can each bring to it?
• Creative solutions that don't force you into a square peg, otherwise this project is not for you

All of us are deeply traumatized in order to be fit in living this society. Vibrant humans cannot fit into this society.

• Deep needs are squashed (Infants can die from lack of love). Deep enormous infinite longings to finally be held, be heard, be understood.
• We all manage it, find the capacity to hold it deep inside.
• Be with the need, mourning it isn't being met
• Shut up, you talk to yourself. Shut up, you have no right to exist. This harsh way holds them from the needs' feelings.
• #I want to connect with you on this. For me this is important for you & us.
• #As you are talking, do you feel the need turning up volume?
• Capacity to hold it and be in choice about how much of the need to show, not to spill
• a human being in acute suffering, beyond the capacity to contain it, beyond the capacity to know how to make requests that are within capacity for others.
  Each of us have that degree of need within us and we're holding it within.

#you didn't trust that you matter enough that you have enough value to stay in the conversation. You see that? 

#just imagine the possibility that your capacity to stay with this conversation was a gift to others. Just imagine that possibility.

@I too pull out too often. I don't think my voice has value. I withdraw. And I so appreciate people pulling me out.

Judging people who spill needs:

• #If you can say the content of the judgment, it will help me.
• Judgement is a groove that gives us the illusion of efficiency. If I judge you, it might happen that you will change. Never mind that it never works.
• @How can I have this faith?
• I judge you. You accepted the blame. It settled. There has never been space to explore the needs.
• ??? Some place where we envy people who don't hold their needs it. It's unbearable. We vindicate ourselves, we're doing it the right way.
• #I don't know whether that speaks to you. Does that resonate? 
• People judge vulnerability more if they don't allow themselves to be vulnerable.

Systems

• #I can't relate to models applied everywhere. I can relate to specific contexts.
• if we stay within systems, We are limited in how much we can actually care for our own needs and the needs of others around us. 
• If they take liberation seriously, they will walk away from structures.
• @Some people use words like "inquiry", "mapping the relationship between my breakdown/through and the model". Stay with the intensity with emotion vs intensity of the larger project of deconstructing my life.
• If a wave of emotional intensity comes, and we don't resist, it passes. 
• Can I exit the system in this moment? Remove the doctor/client title. Just be. See what happens.
• Examples:
• Manic episode, can't sleep 2 weeks. We attended to the person around the clock. Enormous investment on the part of many people who decided to mobilize. 
• I can't be NVC trainer because I'm diagnosed as ... #Is it constant? Then there are certain things that intensify it, in the moments when that happened, what needs of mine is leading to the reaction? What amplifies my anxiety?

Share the pricing structure, the percentage. That should be said earlier. Need to talk to you.

@moment-to-moment realigning to purpose. Stretching is needed, but for what purpose?

@so much of my effort is spent on convincing myself that this work has meaning

@I just want to let you know that I’ve had a lot of stress lately about “wanting to be sure about my next step”, and your prayer was just what I needed to hear today, staying present and listen for what life is showing me. Thank you so much for sharing your prayer with us.

Every time I heard you speak on this call my heart expanded a bit more. Thank you for sharing about your discussion with your partner & your decision. Sending you all my peaceful thoughts. 🙂 

Purpose for being here - May 20

Sexy & lowly work: no work is more important than other.

Ongoing channel for meaningful service.

Most work doesn't serve needs. 

Bull Shit Jobs - The job that the person who does it know it doesn't serve anything. 40% of jobs are bull-shit jobs. Shit jobs are not usually bull-shit jobs.

• Confirmation of Contribution - I want to now whether what I do serve purpose, if not I'll put my capacity elsewhere
• Wanting Recognition - wanting to know I have value.

Are you moving along with your purpose?

Have you been doing what you need to move further in that purpose? 

Say-oh: 

@There is a gap, I'm wondering why there was that gap.

@My words go through AI.

@Made it be yours, saying Miki endorse it. Name it is yours, not authorized or endorsed.

They deferred to white man with money.

@What capacity do you want to grow?

@Something within this that helps me to hang your answers to.

@As long you're talking about "we", you're hidden & protected. I can't here the vibrant, vulnerable.

I want to be the best possible leader.

@I have a sense that what you present is a layer. What is a gap? Where are you struggling? What keeps you up at night?

Eco-village is outside of you. The individual one-of-a-kind human. What YOU need to do to make this dream comes true?

The energetic air: I'm a cool dude, I don't need anything from anyone.

The most connection I when you appreciated being asked.

Dear friend, I had a shock, when I realized my deep hunger to be asked questions about me.

The need is so much more vulnerable request.

Choose the most vulnerable words, not "value".

I long for honesty, and deep appreciation.

It doesn't matter your identity, your male training came from outside.

To see a young male-bodied person cracked open to such a degree. That's the gift you're giving. Human, relational, mushy part.

It's your task to rip your heart open so others can see you.

@Any specific appreciation for Sayoh? So together with you in your experience of being human.

=I think of M, who has the same "cool dude". Of myself, also that out shell, too cool for this, I don't need any of this, I'm out of here, checking out, you can't hurt me, I'm unique and special and stronger than this. Today I don't need anybody. This shell because inside I feel I can't show up like this. This wave of love, I want to envelop him with it, you are safe here, there's no need to be something you're not. 

Channel as much of this space into corporate America

Protect people from toxic culture of blame & shame - 20 groups x 3 people

This is an island, a microcosm, not imagination, we live here.

Visionary transformative work: cannot be done alone, we need a community to source from. Vast trance, grooves easy to fall into.

Go to each people who're thinking about offering you this role

- What do you think are my strengths/ limitations (work on to do this)?

- Systemic openings that would make this job easier, systemic obstacles? Where I can go for support to bridge the gap.

Don't answer these alone. ASK THEM. By asking you're changing the relationship, you're in charge of this. You all are collectively holding this job.

What's the nervousness about?

Environment anti-conducive to learning: shame & anxiety about doing it right. It's conducive to do what people want you to do, supposed to do, NOT to learning.

If you can tap into that 3-year-old so ready to explore, just a sliver of that.

Hold & value the things I care about. Translate those into actions.

=When I look at you, you look protected, your facial expression shows little.

Take risk: close doors that will never open again.

=Can you paint a picture of what you see the environment that's yours to do?

Be close with mom, help her cook.

=When you imagine all that, does that speak to what you started? Are we speaking to the right place? Is it touching that spot which is nervous?

I feel called to something beyond this job.

=Can you pause and just feel this?

Wobbly and scared. =This is taking yourself seriously.

=A long chain, pass on the knowledge that something else is possible. Lots of redundancy. That's the seed. Something only I can do.

Right livelihood - leave the current and do something else, or do what's here but in a different way.

=Somewhere you do, maybe only a few cells, what would an ideal day be like? A day that you could do every day of your life?

Way to many things that call to me with ferocity.

=If your fairy tale doesn't end up the way you want, change it. Patriarchal training: "If you started something, you have to finish it."

=Is it okay to leave you with this. Your field feels clean, there isn't noise. It's relaxing to be in interaction with you. Hanging out with people who're ready to play hard.

Step fully into our power and liberate ourselves. Safety is intertwined with control.

Anne Frank - Etty Hillesum

https://thefearlessheart.org/as-things-get-worse/

"I want to in all the camps. I don't want to know this thing they called safety.

@Wake up and open my doors since morning to receive people. Sit with them.

Write letters with courage. Knock on doors. Hold these meetings and circles.

=On a count of 1-10, how much you believe your words contribute to this space.

Safe Space with My In-laws

It's not a coincidence that this person chose to come to you in this moment. This is life wisdom coming to you.

I'm looking to separate. Create safe container, harmony.

Sister, eldest not coming to the table.

Thank you for coming and your trust in us.

Build bridge: I know I have behaved in ways that is not aligned with my values. I want to take as much responsibility as appropriate for me.

 Just as much it's not working for you, also not working for them. Invite yourself & others.

Before set boundaries, first put all our needs on the table.

Jun 2

Everything is an experiment, regardless of what they tell you.

It has nothing to do with you or your skills, but I'm uplifting the context.

=Is there anyone who feels actively relieved from me having responded in this way, because you had any discomfort about what was happening?

=Overall my preference is for people not to start announcing their offerings.

Denika

=I'm wondering if you need anything to help settle your nervous system.

=Tell me if there's any cue that I can watch for to know that you're struggling too much? The general cue is that I tend to not breathe and run-on sentences come out.

When a Black woman crosses that barrier and share your problem, re-digging the narrative that Black people have issues.

Completely own every shitty limitation we have, and every strength we have.

Let us lean on this bond we have, as strong women.

• The first thing: do some mourning about how shitty this is.
• "I relearned to cry."

We imagine that if we focus on what happens, capacity would miraculously shows up. But the brutal thing is that NO capacity would show up, it's only you compensating for others' lack of capacity.

1917 Revolution in Russia, from Tsar system to communist. But the way the state was run continued what was in the past.

• Whoever is willing to talk with you, you talk with them.
• Do you have any guess what is important to them? Tell me the story that the person tells themselves or their friends.
• You might be too fried to actually coalesce a path forward.
• Hard piece: You are the ONLY source of change that you have reliable access to.
• Pour Love into a fractured field
• appreciation
• acknowledgement of anything you do to contribute
• reflections of what you think might be important for them to see
• Do I have the capacity to unilaterally pour love into this field until it settles? If not, what would it takes to exit?

=Anything that touched your heart, you feel super appreciative of, the last exchange? Specific appreciation about Denika, not about the work we need.

Two types of crying, one to let it out, one to keep it in. The type that loops us within negative thinking, that's when I want the book and the bottle. Inbal's 3-year-old

Finding choice when we have 2 very strong pulls.

Where is there a situation that you want to bring more love to it, what does it look like?

@To myself, this addiction, where I just fall prey to FB and go and go again to old shit that doesn't taste good anymore.

Rigor & Discipline - Jun 10

Rigor = leaving no stone unturned. @Academic references, history, pros & cons 

Discipline = intensity, against. @Failing

Give the world the gift of your voice

=What do you make of it? What is the positive connotation for you?

I don't know your context, but I want to bering tenderness to being raised in a German context, the power of authority and obedience is still all these decades later. 

=Can you imagine applying rigor to life, to staying alive, choosing the life I want to have, and bringing rigor to that? @I live on floating, disconnected, float. Yet writing with my left hand brings me alive. The beauty of attention.

I believe the words we use send messages to others and myself, keep transmitting forward. I never use the word "should" or "but". It sends a message to my brain to re-encode. Every time I do that I do a re-do. Without which I don't see how I can anchor my journey. Nothing too small for rigor.

"Life goes on so fast" - We're stuffing life with so much. Bring us back to choice - we choose what we put in the days.

=Can we build our own relationship with that quality, and release ourselves from any sense of strictness, bring complete & total choice to it. I want to rescue rigor from obedience, command-control, the beauty of my own capacity to CHOOSE AND CHOOSE AND CHOOSE, what I want to do with the most precious resource I have - ATTENTION.

Push back: Come on, just chill.

Anchor in specific structures & interdependence

When do you have that total attention, how do you build in relaxation so that you don't exhaust?

=What is your answer to yourself?

The experience of "flow" is not a reliable indicator because our lives is so addictive.

=Bring the rigor to your experience of avoiding your feelings.

=Does this make sense to be part of my life?

@My mom is chill, and I put all this pressure on myself to make her happy. I get frustrated, scared, cannot think straight, stressed out. I don't like that I cannot think straight. I'm grateful that I am so attuned to my mom's feelings, that I can imagine others' distress, predict the future - my strength for compassion. It makes me run away from asking for help. The many ways this shows up, fear of being disliked.

=Write a list of the things I like about my reaction, and the list of the things I don't like. -- Be in choice.

The person who tracks something, that's where the need is alive. Name what I'm holding, acknowledge the impact, I do the mourning, clean mourning without judgment, seed the field with acknowledgement, with appreciation.

Rigor about the cleanness of the channel. Exhaustion leads to judgment.

Acknowledge, name and release voids.

At that layer, where do you apply rigor. What is the next step in the direction of integrating this thing? How can I do this next step of rigor? The rigor would be at this stage: to jot down all the times when you get confused and stuck, instead of just letting them go and continuing. Which of these do I want to bring to my practice group, to have a role play and see what it would look like to to navigate this one with willingness rather than requirements.

• You yourself don't do anything you're not willing.
• When you regain capacity and regret, go back and say I'm sorry, I didn't want to say that. I didn't know what to say instead. But it had impact on me.
• even if I even if I demand instead of request there's still a path for me to maintain connection instead of causing separation in the relationship. 
• Given the shitty structures we have, parenting with willingness while depending only on individual capacity requires sainthood.

The bookkeeper is making mistakes he shouldn't make as a bookkeeper. -- When I see those errors, I become entirely helpless, I lose capacity, I cannot figure out WHY a bookkeeper can make these mistakes, the intensity of this helplessness is so big, hard to contain, so it spills into judgment.

I want to try to see if we can shift the dynamics that we've had, no matter how long it has been, by taking responsibility for my end of it, which is that whether you know it or not, I've been judging you all this time. 

• I judge you for your mistakes. As a result, I haven't known how to support you or support me. 
• This has been miserable for both of us and I wanted to change that's my end of it. 
• That may still happen. I may still judge you and in this moment, I'm not judging you. In this moment, I'm determined to find a way for us to hold in togetherness the errors that you make so we can discover what on earth is going on. 
• YOUR TASK IS NOT TO FIX HER ERROR. YOUR TASK IS TO FIND A SOFT PATH.
• As long as you keep her defensive, you both will learn nothing.

I'm not holding the same perspective, I can't agree with you.

Daisy, what can I do to show I love you

I'm not aligned with your path, I believe 

I don't think what will help you

= I want to name my impact. What I do is seen as personal development, I lose myself in that gap.

slow down, surface your feelings.

Name the gaps in your capacity without judgment. 

Meet us where we are and meet yourself where you are

Don't leave with open hanging, I don't know what to do

Name the learning right now, when someone criticizes me in public, I go back to that channel of bullying, no one will side with me

@I just want to say that I love the way you choose words dear Dlyn, especially the part when you said “envelop or develop this different way of thinking and being in the world”. For me it’s like poetry, saying a lot in few words, and they even rhyme!

@I had this intense fear of saying the "wrong things", should have guessed more correctly what was in the moment for Miki, that the gap for her is the "personal development" attack. My limited eyes only see this. Yet perhaps my missed shot allowed Miki to see no, that wasn't where I was going to, I wanted to go here, since she said she didn't know what to do. Some options to parse through and awaken.

@I also hated that Michael was talking and trying to figure out a curiosity for himself, while I felt I was left out. Fear, wanting to be notice, cared for, yet I know he cared for me when he offered his example. I know he wanted to aid Darlene. I'm glad Darlene saw me. Don't ever doubt the power of just one kind words. Maybe I also see D's uncomfortableness, no need to dig that deep, it's for YOUR curiosity not hers. I chose to kept quiet because I also wanted to give space to D.

Needs - Jun 17

Children always ask why. Humans have a drive for meaning.

We've been trained out of asking why and into compliance. We lose what it means to be vital, alive, in relationship with self, others, life.

Needs:

• WHY do you want this?
• What happens within when you are valued? What led you to do that? What were you hoping to get out from it? Chuyện gì xảy ra trong bạn khi... Điều gì thúc đẩy bạn... Bạn mong có được điều gì thông qua ...?
• When we choose from needs, not from obligation/ fears, etc.
• I want to clean my room bc I don't want to be punished. VS I have to clean.
• 4 Master needs: Freedom, Connection, Physical Needs, Meaning
• • Universal. No hierarchy
• We create our own personal hierarchy of needs
• Through trauma, some needs are more important, others don't exist.
• Actively choose our priorities based on purpose, not go on autopilot.
• Not all needs are the same in terms of energy
• Towards life: care, vision, choice, self-connection -- opens my heart more
• Protect me from life, taking me out of the flow of life: respect, protection, autonomy 
• There will always be multiple needs. If I can focus on the needs that opens my hearth, the process goes faster.
• Needs & Values are interchangeable:
• Only people with a certain privilege. You can't say you "value food, air", I can do without, no attachment.
• If any need is not attended to, it will cause damages potentially, though not on the same time scale.
• Violence: Our Deadly Epidemic and Its Causes - Book by James Gilligan. People who do violent crimes gone through soul murder.
• Humans seek to meet needs, and if they knew a way that would not harm others, they will prefer it.

The WHY question is difficult to receive outside the field of trust.

My mom desires to be noticed, speaking out of turns. She had to fight with tapeworm in grandma's uterus.

Asked her to FEEL her hunger instead of acting on it, trying to fulfill it. It that one minute, her body relaxes. Allowing the fullness & intensity of our needs to BE, instead of trying to meet them. That is the fundamental spiritual move of the NVC practice. Wanting fully without attachment, different from trying not to want in some spiritual paths.

• Living in peace with unmet needs. Continue breathing in a relaxed way when our needs are not met is foundational to nonviolence.

In a nuclear family, it's impossible to meed a child's needs. To have no capacity to meet a child's need is wrenching, and it's easier to say children don't need what they need. 

RESONANT COHOLDING: Your need is so important to me, and I'm so sad I can't meet it.

• @This requires trust that others are honest. We'll never KNOW for sure. The pain of not needs being met is so large we go out to blame.

Kabbalist mystic: I don't have to erect boundaries around me in order to have a sense of self. Some sense of self comes from being-ness, doesn't need to be xyz different to be. Saved me from the disappointment of Buddhist no-self (though I'm probably doing total sacrilege in what 'm saying)

Ground action in Needs vs in Vision

• What needs we recognize as needs will change as we move towards liberation.
• Journey
• Don't know needs. (We hand over our experience to a paper list, vs inner experience, if people don't have capacity, ask them 1 of the 4.)
• Stay within when needs are not met, walk through it to find the care.

Caring for material needs (chores, cooking)

• Reverence, not lowly
• Based on willingness & capacity.
• Any time you go into "should", your capacity drops. I don't like that you have low capacity. It doesn't mean I don't like you, or there's anything you should do.
• When she has softness towards her limitations, then we can have softness towards her.
• Take a long time to take it out of children, just be, be okay with people not liking me, this is a true part of me, risking my significance.

Bring rigorous tenderness:

• I made that choice with the most information available to me then.
• Don't go to "I should have known."

I appreciated me for interrupting. Did it with softness. If I was wrong, I would be happy.

Here's a LIE: "There is certainly a quota, and yours is small." There is no-one who defines what is enough, except for the person themselves. 

@It breaks my heart so bad to see people sacrificing. And this only happens when I stopped being a doormat.

@Annie: Thank you for sharing about your experience being in a class of 60 and the discipline imposed. I've always thought of my similar experience as being absolutely normal, and I only realized how abnormal it is until you spoke today. And it breaks my heart to see people, especially women, around me who kept on sacrificing after that 'normal' childhood. Thank you for sharing your experience so clearly, and for the moment when you moved from "sorry" to "I acknowledge that I missed out, can you please repeat".

anniescott@clara.co.uk or +447756672392.

@This fragile little inner freedom, making meaning out of the same action.

Empowered Possibility - Jun 24

Pulling fields together

Talking to babies as if they understand the energetic field we're weaving

I wish for her all the freedom and capacity in the world to hold people who're not holding her

Even if we don't know or don't feel the empowered possibility, even if we can only imagine the possibility 20 years later, it always exist in principle.

=Instead of "can you say again", you modeled by saying "here's what I understand"

Choosing from needs, not guilt/shame/helplessness/nothing else can work

2 parts: (1) Meaning-making - in theory we always can choose the story we tell ourselves. (2) Given my story, how do I choose to respond. (e.g. Tell me who your friends are or I'll shoot you."

Think of a situation in which, if you can find an empowered possibility, you'll be more effective in your leadership.

You thought of an empowered way to respond to Daisy. If we think "the group should do xyz", we take the least personal responsibility. We go to the next step, what can I do?

=I am totally relaxed to engage with you on this.

I wish I had ---> I now see the possibility that I could have

I'd like to say something that'd be helpful for everyone: thank you Daisy for your passion & concern, acknowledge that we have agreements to bring these concerns in a well-thought way, 

What would you like done about this right now, by me or by someone else?

"Let's pause and breath" - that's okay

"Let's hold the feelings that are present and the needs"

"Let's remember..." --- starting to go into treacherous territories. They didn't sign up to hear from you, not because you're less smart, it happens to anyone, when someone isn't the designated leader.

NOT because what you said is problematic, but because you hadn't gained the trust

The only person who can act is the one who realizes the action needs to be taken, it lives in you.

=I want to pause and check that what I'm doing as helpful, but as criticism, is it?

=Something I'm doing may be challenging that we're not playing or flowing. Something is missing and I don't understanding.

Support you in thinking through HOW you would do that, NOT questioning why you should do that?

=I'm surprised it could come across as "combative". How can I recalibrate?

=You were trying to create a larger container, not just Miki and Daisy.

I was signing up to support you, I'm too exhausted to handle "what could I have done differently in that moment"

If I asked you for support, the energy of the group goes to you.

What do I need to do, in moment by moment, to keep the attention of the group.

None of us are the designated leader of the game out there

When you say "I want to say something helpful", you have a few seconds to say something relevant to Miki & Daisy

"I want to reinforce, uphold the hold" - she was assuming the respect wasn't there. If you speak from YOUR NEEDS, people can hear.

I want kindness & understanding --- you're changing the meaning

call attention to the agreements/ anchors --- I don't see how what we're doing is aligned with what I read as how Miki wanted this space to be

AS JEN HOW DO I KEEP THE GROUP WITH ME?

#bowing to the intention behind the rules

I love what's in the document, I want to see if we try those out. Miki & Daisy, are you open to trying?

Unless you know what you want someone to DO, if you keep speaking it requires work from the group - one more energy thread

Exit from what we're serving for self-preservation

It meets my need to be over now

=The field is saturated right now.