Healing Conversation - John Kinyon

 

• Can I repeat what you're saying?
• What do you say your feelings are telling about your needs?
• Are you okay if we have a conversation where we just take turn hearing each other?
• Would you like to talk first and let me hear you?
• Is it okay if I let you know what I heard?
• I hear ... . Wanting some understanding for the reasons behind what you're doing.
• Being in a positive way how hard you're working for our benefit.
• You want to see consitency in how I talk and act.
• You value being cared for and not cheated.
• I want to check whether you feel heard?
• Are you open to hear what I say?
• It's painful for me because we're so different. I'm sad that you sense this intensity of feelings as judgment.
• Thank you for giving the space. Would you be okay telling me what you heard, even if you agree with something?
• I want you to know that I'm not blaming you, just me wanting some safety and comfort in my space. I want to be better at you feeling the care from me, but I want to feel your care too.
• Would it be okay if we just clarify what's most important to both of us?
• I hear that you'd like me to listen to my spiritual practices. Would it be okay for me to come to you for a conversation like this?
• Maybe it's not possible for us to settle on that now. I'm glad we had this conversation.
• Sometimes it's not possible for us to have our needs met with someone. 
• Can you give me some guidance on whether I should go full-blown jackal or I should attempt speak perfect NVC? How about trying to keep awareness of your own observations and feelings?
• Just listen, no need to agree. And just speak, without defending or attacking.
• Get to that experience of we're both part of something larger together.

• There's no way I could meet your expectations in this household. And I don't have to. You make everything my mistake. 
• You won't take responsibility for looking for another solution. 
• And those people don't deserve us making things ready for them. 
• You're out of integrity, manipulating me. I feel like you're taking my money. You're taking that money to punish me.
• You don't see how hard I'm working, how I'm up to do big things in the world, I don't have time for these nitty gritty things.
• I don't have much time. I have all these things crowding in on me just for me to keep a roof over our head.
• If you're really as serious about your spiritual practices as you said you're, you'll be shown. I'm doing my spiritual practice too. Don't even pray for me as long as you have even one once of judgment in your heart. Don't impose your spiritual practice on me.
• *I believe she's a pathological liar.

• I just feel tired. I don't want to do this. Angry. I want her health. Fear.
• You will never understand me. You're judgmental and condescending. I get angry when you have that haughty-pointy attitude.