Mediating Conflict for Yourself and Others Level 1 - John Kinyon | NVC Academy

Upgrading the human operating system

• Mediate people in your work, family
• Mediate your interactions in life
• Mediate internal conflicts

PROCESSES

SELF-CONNECTION PRACTICE

1. Breath, body, needs
1. Breath: slow, deep, even
2. Body: head, heart, belly
3. Needs (wellbeing, connection, self-expression): shifting towards what we want
2. Intensity practice
3. Gratitude practice (OFNR)

ELEMENTS OF EMPATHY

1. Presence
2. Silent Empathy
3. Understanding meaning
4. Need Language

5-STEP MEDIATION MODEL

1. Mediator Self-Connection-Practice (SCP)

2. Mediator empathizes with each disputant (Elements of Empathy)

3. M asks disputants if would like to reflect back other’s experience/needs

4. M asks disputants how they feel as they heard other’s needs

5. Solution requests and agreements

ENEMY IMAGE PROCESS

MOURN, CELEBRATE, LEARN (MCL) & Positive Learning Cycle

1. Mourn unmet needs
2. Celebrate needs met
3. New strategies for meeting needs (learn 'post-hearsal', plan, practice)

INTENSITY EXERCISE

Level 1a - intensity without emotional content

1. Partner use neutral phrase (e.g. water is wet), starting with low-level intensity (volume, tone, body language, etc.) and gradually raise intensity
2. Stop your partner when you first notice a reaction in you
3. Do Self-Connection
4. Do out loud self-empathy (OFNR)
5. Repeat as desired, de-role with partner when finished

Level 1b - intensity with emotional content

1. Tell partner your 'trigger' (the 'incoming'). Check if you want to do SCP before starting.
2. Partner delivers trigger. Start with low intensity then gradually raise it.
3. Stop partner when you first notice reaction.
4. Do SCP. 
5. Do out-loud empathy.
6. Repeat as desired, de-role.

Handouts:

• Needs organized into 3 meta-categories: Well-being, Self-expression & Connection
• Empathy (4 elements & quotes): Presence, Silent Empathy, Understanding/ Meaning (get it), Need Language
• Feedback Guide