Conflict belongs to the community
Conflict is information entering the system
Conflict IS feedback that hasn't been heard
Create systems that support rather than suppress conflict
In your groups & teams, what do you do now when there is tension?
What supports tensions to be processed & what doesn't?
@Breakout reflection:
- Keep quiet, wait for tension to subside, go away.
- Talk about something unrelated, try to care, make light (e.g. Do you have medicinal oil?)
- Code: "There's cake in the fridge. "Bumble Bumblebee" = There's something happening. I need some time out.
- Self-empathy & silent empathy
- Remember we are human-beings, not human-doings. Assume people are intelligent and have good reasons for their choices.
Case study: NVC Family Summer Camp (12 supporters for 130 people including 50 children x 6 days)
Key elements to the restorative agreement
- Preparation: Normalize conflict, upskill people
- Before event, asked people to be "Conflict Supporters"
- 2 prep meetings to explore what Kinds of Conflicts might happen
- Logistics (no space in toilet)
- Programmatic (complaints about workshop)
- Lifestyles (plastic bags)
- etc.
- Explored ways of responding
- Talk to people separately
- Talk with all people involved together
- Position some people at a place where tension is arising or at a time when tension arises (e.g. adults just to be around children)
- Mention something in community meetings (requests, constraints)
- Have a session dedicated to exploring the issue
- Do things differently (e.g. change time of session)
- Did a session on Bystander Intervention & roleplays for Supporters before event and for participants during events (since we're all conditioned to not intervene, especially with other people's children)
- Hey, does anyone want any help?
- Putting a hand on each person energetically
- Agreement:
- If you experience or witness tension, ask for help or step towards it. If you have a tension, speak to one of these people, or someone else.
- Communicate about Agreement
- Info email, Handbook (Camp will pilot restorative system)
- On first evening & following mornings at community meetings, identify Conflict supporters. If you have a tension, speak to one of these people. If you have conflict with one of them, speak to someone else.
- Resourcing:
- About 12 Conflict Supporters met before Camp & every day to track participants & tension
- Prepared to be available AFTER the camp for any ongoing conflicts.
- Issues: racial, neuro-divergence, etc.
Sample agreement for online course:
- We will Notice that something is out of balance (someone said sth triggering)
- We will Activate the agreement
- We will give Initial Support to the issue
- We will Further Support to the issue
Sample agreement at in-person NVC event: As soon as you notice you have an enemy image of someone - get support.
Sample detailed agreement
- When I notice I have judgment & difficult feelings towards another --> (1) Self Empathy
- (2a) Request the group for empathy now: Emergency sign
- With one person outside
- In the whole circle
- (2b) Request a group member meets outside group for empathy
- (2c) Find support outside group
- (2d) Email designated Supporter -- Supporter meet you & the other person, support you both to express + hear what's important
- (3) Express your feelings & needs to the other with care in the whole group with support of all - valuable learning for all
Conflict resilience procedure (GROWS) for local park in London - suitable for low-medium level conflicts that affect people's everyday well-being & stress levels & enjoyment of the tasks they're involved in. We'll explore with staff about what support can be put in place at each step.
- Get away form situation. Pause. Breathe.
- Reach Out to someone to listen to you, your feelings. Then ask:
- What is really important to you and what is really important to the person?
- Supported conversation. When the time is right, talk to the person you're in conflict with.
@Breakout:
What do you like about these agreements?
What do you like about these agreements?
What else would be necessary in your context?
- Agreement at a lower level cannot work if not aligned with the larger system
- Put attention on process than policy, empower people & not top-down
- @List down the conflicts in my family - different ways of support.
- @Talk to sister about prevention & intervention.
4 WAYS TO GET STARTED
- Find a friend who's enthusiastic about restorative practices - nourish the restorative flame
- Normalize tension. Ahead of an event or project, talk about what kind of conflicts might arise & need support.
- If tensions are already high in your group, address this sideways. Have a discussion - how can we create a culture of relationship/ empathy/ appreciation?
- Lower threshold for taking action, announcing there is conflict
- Join BRS Building Restorative Systems for Transforming Conflicts
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