Bring in a compassionate presence/ witness - Remember
- Holding, being in the presence of something precious, a token that reminds you - star, baby chick
- What does that feel like
- Imagine you being held, looked at with awe & wonder & love
- Curiosity: who/ what is with you?
Relational neuroscience of defensiveness: left brain cannot integrate, can only blame in or blame out at the messenger
Healing & Reconciliation Roleplay
I want to say yes to you every other seconds. I want to hear you all the time, and I'll tell you when I don't have capacity.
05:00 Introducing topic
09:38 Grounding in compassionate presence
22:26 Become present in the space
What is it that makes it hard to respond to someone's reactivity/ anger?
What are my reactions? Shame/regret? Shut down? React? Blank? Dread in my stomach?
"In moments when I'm unskilled"
I wonder what is going on for them?
1. Present to what I'm experiencing
2. Pause
3. Respond
When I care for them so deeply, I cannot think "I'm not responsible for their emotions"
Enjoy someone's pain
strong need for contribution & reassurance
Child says: "Because of you ..."
Me: "Yes, ... BUT"
Create space vs Soaking up anger
What does it mean to find this pause. Search for the pause
Trigger statement - expresses the intensity of the other person's anger
Notice the signs of reactivity
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