the form is more important than the purpose (connection).
empathic listening is always the right thing to choose. Should I depart?
NVC is the solution to everything.
Inter-dependency can be reached before having integrated the earlier states of dependency and independency. Cannot go there to always mutuality, but go through emotional slavery and obnoxious stage until interdependence. Cannot bypass it. From "are you feeling... because you need..." to "was it when I did this... that you felt..." --> make myself a part of their reality
finding out what we, or someone else needs is the end goal.
everyone around us is capable of empathy and getting frustrated when shown the opposite. Relax. Everyone cannot.
because someone is a trainer (or trained in NVC) we can expect to be heard with empathy.
that the assumptions that NVC is built on, are “truths” that we can fight about, rather than tools to use to connect. "You can always find a beautiful need behind someone's words or action." This is a supportive assumptions that is useful for us to connect.
it is better or righter to express feelings and needs, than to express thoughts and opinions.
I have to know someone’s feelings and needs to understand them (or vice versa). We can be in flow without having the words for their feelings/ needs.
that there is no right or wrong (and that is right). Rumi didn't say there's no right and wrong, but it's more fun to meet outside. It's not getting to "somewhere", it may never go away, but the flow in between. Get curious about what's underneath the pain beneath "there's evil in the world".
all life is happening, “on the inside”. "Feelings and needs are everything." But results, outcomes, things we need to do together. There's more to the inside, I want to know "what the fuck you think happened, what's the impact on you?"
knowing NVC will automatically make you happy.
empathic listening leads to more connection than honest expression.
more inclusion means that we will more needs. I cannot take in more ideas, I want action, I want to save time.
that an unmet need is a problem (and that they have to be met). Even when many needs are unmet, meeting our need for self-connection can be sufficient for inner peace.
empathic connection always leads to more trust. We get more trust when they do what they said. It's not wasted but we need action to build trust, too.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don't see it. I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place. It isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
V.
I walk down a different street.
© 1977 Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery- Shared history: trainer use their power dynamics
- White domination certification road --> inclusivity
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