Supporting Holistic Systems

TOTE Model

July 1992, NLP University

Robert Gills - whole-hearted, spiritual clarity, human-centered approach

Test-Operate-Test-Exit

What makes an NVC request?

• Connected to Needs
• Doable:
• Concrete, specific
• Stated in the positive
• Present: Would you be willing to go for dinner next week? (a wish, not a request) vs Would you tell me what you think about going for dinner next week? (can do right now)
• Open to outcomes (mean it when you say "would you be willing")

Chị có thể gửi cho M được không, và ngày mấy thì chị mong M sẽ xong ạ?

See things as "evidence", not "performance" --> We have information, not failures.

Can you tell me now, whether you're open to consider going out with me tomorrow? You can decide tomorrow, but I just need to know whether you're open to considering so my heart can settle a bit.

GOALS

• Concrete & specific, time-bound
• Evidence of completion
• Needs: Why do I want to be a certified trainer? Can I just share NVC as non-cert?
• Is it ecological? (Less likely to stimulate resistance; awareness of systemic effect) - Empathy for the future
• What is your next step in moving toward fulfilling the goal? - Set aside writing time for NVC

I want to write 1 KD per month. I want to catch up on KD by the end of this year, so one per that month, and one for the months I missed.

• 5 minutes of presentation - 10 mins for feedback.
• Stories about their own experience

Not "becoming a ...", but where do I pour my energy now.

Rest, heart-based, heart-connection, self-connection

Responsibility - ability to respond to whichever is the next step

Expansion while writing my goals

Pod meetings as training hours

19/01/2022 - Request vs Aim

What do you want to contribute? What matters most to you? Narrow down to one word that resonate to be the Word for the Year.

Contribution: Equanimity & Clarity
Matters: Watch out for selfish calculations. Word: Nhất mạch tâm truyền
Mantra:
- Mckenzie's "I am loved. I am loving. I'm lovable."

Vision- your dream of the world you would like to live in and leave behind for the next generations
Mission-the specific part you would like to play in bringing your vision to life

Vision: A world where everyone has the support they need to experience a quality of connection that inspires giving and receiving.

Mission: Nurture (1) communities of practice, (2) emergent partnerships & neighborhood projects, and (3) platforms to coordinate resources and open-source localized knowledge. 

3-people team, 15 mins to build a handout explaining 5 elements of an NVC request.

Clarifying Your Aims: A request is 'now', a goal is 'then'

(Sociocracy)

• Request & Aim: both connected to needs
• For Aim, the needs are visionary. A wish that I want to fulfill, future-oriented, oriented to "From now on". Request: always present, oriented to the present moment.
• e.g. From now on, I want to spend 2 hours/ week on my portfolio. (Aim)
• Requests are always systemic, as least interpersonally. Aim is more personal.
• As someone who knows NVC, I'm responsible for living request consciousness, fostering connection. "WE" is my frame. Request is offering I'm making to someone. From me to you, supporting the needs alive in the system.
• Even if you give me what I want and I don't understand you don't want to give it, I'll pay. A request is a gift. "What if we acted as if our requests to each other were actually a gift? What if we truly believed that we're not only giving our partner a gift but the best gift in the world by making a request?" - What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication, By Ike Lasater, Judith Hanson Lasater. I don't want to receive anything you don't joyfully give.
• With an aim, I focus on my mission. I measure progress. I give myself permission to be "self-full". Aim is offering to myself.
• Would you right now be willing to agree to meet next week? = request. Would we meet next week? = wish
• Request: one tiny baby step forward. Aim: multiple next steps (15mins for KDs, 15 mins journalling, every Fri 3pm for 3 months).
• Request: open to outcome. Aim: ecology - impact of my aim on the entire ecosystem that I'm living in. (How does this fit into my life and affect the system I'm living in?) --> Empathy for the future (How will this affect my relationships with my family, colleagues, etc.?) Celebrate & savor the benefits. If we're sensitive to the costs, we can build in strategies to address the costs.
• Stimulus: no need to be focused on pain, but to solve a practical consideration/ celebrate and enhance. The same for both request and aim.

What are you taking away? - Aim: multiple next steps

How this enhanced my life? - Address the effects on ecosystem

How would my presentation be improved? 

"My need is around navigating complex conceptual things in a connecting, life-enhancing way."